The Fabulous Life of Jobin Hume

The best show on TV

OK - it is only the last two seasons that I have been into it, but So You Think You Can Dance is SO MUCH BETTER than Idol I can't stand it.  I love this show.  I don't know anything about dance, but I am totally into it.  Now that I have said that, I can't help but cross my fingers that they shed the 3 tap dancers and the asshat who named himself "Legacy" immediately.  If I could be pleasantly surprised with a surprise 4 way elimination 45 minutes from now that would be just great.

I am behind as I post this thanks to TiVo, but I really have to assume I won't love the sound of tap shoes any more 2 hours from now than I do now.

Also, Mollie - you are officially on notice.  Get less irritating right away or Philip gets to stay.  He has to get rid of the shoes, but he can stay.

PS - Even though I was thrilled to see Paula Abdul leave Idol, I wouldn't mind her on this show.  I have to assume this bit is going somewhere.

Typical Friday night, Rachel getting a little action

Candie is the victim of an unfortunate red wine spill by the waitress. This is fundamentally funny, but not as funny as Rachel trying to fix it up with the worlds smallest tide pen. I also like it that she is copping a feel at the same time.

Milestones

Last week I took a friend of mine to get her first Botox.  This is a milestone for both of us.  Her because now that seal is broken and it leads to all other kinds of vanity you didn't know you had in you.

Me because it is one thing to buy a friend a pedicure or manicure for their birthday.  This is a whole other genre - some kind of switch has been flipped.

Also, I came to the realization that I get Botox 3-4 times per year, but only go to the dentist twice per year.  While I realize this is the correct schedule, it worries me nonetheless.

Play by play analysis

I am at my sisters bachelorette party. I am older than all these girls and more judgemental so I will be posting lots of snarky comments. Stay tuned

How did this get lost in the shuffle?

OK - I am just now watching the MTV Video Music Awards from Sunday night. Because there has been so much talk about Kanye-gate 2009 no one has mentioned the BIZARRO public therapy session Madonna conducted at the beginning of the ceremony.

1 - no one needs a lecture about how we abandoned Michael Jackson.  He caused his own problems.

2 - She looked like a wax statue.  Less is more when you are injecting your face. And back-combing your hair.  And lecturing the audience of millions.

3 - Speaking of wax statue - as I have said before.  I don't get Lady Gaga.  She is growing on me as in I sing along on the radio, etc - but then she breaks out some nonsense like this and I just don't even know what to say or where to look. 

4 - I like it that Madonna is totally somber and yet we get crowd shots of Pink checking her blackberry.  I feel you Pink.

5 - Janet looks totally fierce!

6 - I usually can't stand Katy Perry, and yet I am loving her singing Queen!

Ten minutes in, I am loving this show - how did ALL of this get pushed aside by yet another Kanye West outburst?  I am a fan, but seriously, isn't it more noteworthy when he doesn't embarass himself?  How did I not watch this live?  Next year if you could just remind me that I wanted to watch live, that would be awesome.

Is this even possible?

Watching Hillary Clinton on Meet the Press.  Is there any chance that "broken elbow" is code for face lift?  I am not even kdding.  She looks great, at a MINIMUM botox and fillers.  The difference between March and July is shocking.  I realize one is a close up and one isn't, but come on - decide for yourself:

March: 

July:

A brief history of the E350 (cursed??)

2006

August 2006: I earn the Mercedes from Arbonne.  Thanks Hume Nation.  Because I am short-sighted I special order a car with a black interior.

October 10, 2006: I pick up my car at 10am.  The black leather looks totally awesome.

October 10, 2006: 30 minutes after leaving the dealer, something flies off the truck in front of me, cracking the windshield so badly that it has to be replaced.  Seriously.

October 10, 2006: 20 minutes after that I get my first speeding ticket.

December 2006: I run out of gas completely in the middle of an intersection and have to wait for assistance/new gas.  Very embarrassing.

2007

January 2007: Speeding ticket #2 

March 2007: Speeding ticket #3

April 2007: Find out why black interior isn't a standard option.  Yowza was that a mistake.

Then, because I was on a diversionary program in 3 counties, I cooled it off for a while and things were smooth. I do realize these tickets are my fault, but I didn't drive one particle faster than I did in my 15+ years of driving cheap cars and never got ticketed, so perhaps I am not solely to blame for this pattern.

August 2007: Flat tire.  Completely flat, had to be replaced

October 2007: Car broken into inside my garage.  Boooooo.  Good news, perpetrator caught and went to prison for almost 4 years.  Hooray Woodbury Police!  All is forgiven re: speeding tickets

2008

Nothing to report.  Yippee!

2009

March 2009: Speeding ticket #4.  Also, expired license, but very nice sheriff let that slide, so I am still grateful to be a tax paying citizen of Washington County.

June 23, 2009: Flat tire, completely flat, in the middle of nowhere in rural Dakota County on a 100 degree day.  Turned out to need 4 new tires and a tow.

June 24, 2009: Something flies off a truck and cracks the windshield again, needing to be replaced again.

So, my questions are as follows:

1 - Am I a bad person and this is how I am being punished?

2 - Since I am really hoping number 1 isn't the case, is there some lesson I am supposed to be learning?

3 - It is a nice car, I really love it, and I love that Arbonne provides it as a reward for hard work, but maybe I was supposed to pick a different model?  They should switch to BMW?  Since that is unlikely, that leaves me with...

This car is cursed.  I am not really that superstitious, so I don't think it is true, but come on.  That is a lot of activity for one car.  The most expensive car I ever had in my life before that was $16K, so I really expected this to be drama-free.

Also - I really really try hard to look for a lesson or silver lining when things go bad.  For example, as I was sitting in the smoke filled tow truck cab in Hastings I was thinking, "at least the air conditioner didn't break down".  As I was sitting in the Goodyear dealership for SIX HOURS waiting for tires to come in and get installed, I thought "at least they got replaced before I had an accident with the kids in the car".  Also, I got a prospect out of that long wait so I thought maybe this was God's hilarious way of sending me an RVP.

But, seriously, another windshield?  I haven't had a flat tire or cracked windshield EVER.  So, two of each in 2 years?  What am I supposed to be learning here?

Things I don't care about

Me: I don't care about Jon and Kate plus eight
Candie: I do. They are on my TV and I pay to watch them. That makes it my business.

This is the problem. Other things I don't care about that Candie keeps me posted on include Candy and Tori Spelling, and several series of The Real Housewives... The pop culture thing I care the very very very very least about is Heidi and Spencer. Who decided they should be famous? Why am I subjected to them so often?

In case those speeding tickets catch up with you

Brother: I think I'd do well in prision.

Jobin: What are you basing that on?

Brother: I'm a coalition builder.  I'm personable and social.

Jobin: That is true actually.  Good luck.

I can't believe this is what is bringing me out of blogging hibernation

This isn't life changing or anything, but I just couldn't keep it in.

I am watching a commercial about how you can't use non-digital signals for your TV after a few weeks. How anyone doesn't know this by now, I am unclear.  Who is paying for these commercials?

Anyway - this one is mangificant because they are showing someone taking off the rabbit ear antenna from their PLASMA TV.  Are we to believe there are people shelling out $1000+ for a TV that use tin foil to get the signal?

Seriously.