This is going to be the best blog entry ever. Seriously. Last night I am having dinner with my parents. Yes, we were rocking the early bird special at Timberlodge steakhouse. What else would I be doing? What's that, you can't believe I'm still single, yeah I know, it is hard to believe. Anyway, I have to leave to get to my appointment at Spalon Montage.
<detour>This is a good time to mention, that I am a bit high maintenance. In case you didn't know this. I get a blow out twice per week, nails once a week, facial, pedi, waxing, lash tint, brow tint once per month. Massage as needed. I know, it seems excessive, but I have done the math and it turns out it really does save me time. Anyway, the point is, ths story may take on a different turn once you know this. Because I may be as excited about the events of last evening as if I had saved children in an orphanage</detour>
So I pull up ouside the building and it is on fire. The lit-up sign out side the building is no longer lit up and sparks are flying out of it like the 4th of July. So, I am on the phone with Ashley (who needs her own entry later - there is alot to say there) and I say "I have to go, Spalon Montage is on fire". I stick my head in the front door and tell the girls at the front desk -"Your building is on fire - call 911".
Then I thought about it, and decided that I needed to double check. Because how could it actually be on fire and no one knows it? Turns out it was definately burning. Now I have decided they aren't moving fast enough. I don't know what that is based on, but I deputized myself the fire marshall. I went back in and said "Girls - you need a fire extinguisher right now!" But very calmly, as a good fire marshall would. Then I called 911. I told them I was at Spalon Montage in Woodbury and there was a fire. The lady asks me for the address, and I have to bite my tounge from telling her that it is a local landmark and they will definately know where it is. We get the fire dept dispatched and I hang up the phone to go check on the status of my troops.
At this point the very fabulous owner of Spalon comes outside in a tailored pair of pants and what I presume to be a cashmere turtleneck with a *huge* fire extinguisher. He looks the situation over and says "I am going to need a ladder". He handled it exactly as Tim from Project Runway would have. Matter of factly and yet still fabulously attired. Then he goes over and starts spraying. Turns out those little suckers are very powerful, and he doesn't need a ladder after all. He manages to put it out, but then there is a little flare up and the spraying begins anew. As this is happening, there are huge clouds of white stuff all over and everyone has started filing outside the building. It was like a movie, people have foils in their hair, some are mid-haircut or manicure. Everyone is walking out into the clouds of stuff from the fire extinguisher and thinking it smoke, so there was quite a bit of excitement at this point.
I find my girl E. She is a Magician with a round brush. I would give her name here, but I can't because I already have to do battle with Candie for appointments - I don't need any more competition. Anyway, E and I are now co-marshalling the situation. All this time and there is no sign of the fire department. So, that is going to go in their next performance review. E tells me that they have been smelling the fire for some time now inside, but they couldn't find it. I feel better about this, because I am starting to wonder if I have overreacted by calling 911. If the fire was inside as well, then this is ok.
Everyone is milling about in various states of grooming. There is a little girl who is getting what I hope are her first highlights, who you can tell thinks her hair is gong to fall out. There are people who are examining to see if they have smudged their "I'm not really a waitress". I am the only one wearing a coat, since everyone else has to evacuate, and now the sun has gone down, so it is not fabulous out there.
Who should pull up but Candie (my mother) in her big white Lincoln Towncar. She will get a whole blog entry later.
I say to E - is that Candie?
E - No, she doesn't have any services tonight
J - It has to be, she must have heard about this on her police scanner.
That was a joke, because the police scanner isn't hooked up - not because she doesn't have one. Now I am going to have to blog about my Nana - because she started the police scanner thing in my family.
Anyway, sure enough, Candie pulls up and E and I walk over to get the facts. She is on the phone with Ashley! I totally forgot I had been on the phone with her, and of course she alerted the Hume media. Candie, on her way home from the Timberlodge, pulls a u-turn in the middle of the street and comes out to investigate this personally. But not so personally that she is going to get out of her warm car, or invite us in. E and I get an audience through her rolled down window. So we are catching up on things and *finally* the fire department shows up. In typical Woodbury fashion, there is now an actual fire marshall, two other fire cars, a fire engine with 4 people on it in full uniform, and a couple of cop cars. Candie, having determined that since her 9am blowout isn't in danger, she can turn her attention to the next item on her priority list, and starts pointing out the cops/fire fighters that she thinks are cute and starts pushing me to go talk to them. MY MOTHER IS FIXING ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIRE. That is just what I needed.
They determine that we can go inside, but just as far as the lobby. I am not sure how they decide that the lobby is safe, but the rest of the place isn't, but it took a while until we could go all the way inside. The little girl was touching her head the whole time to make sure her hair hadn't fallen out.
This whole thing took 15 minutes from start to finish, and E got my blowout done by 7 anyway. She really is a magician. The fire department was still milling around when I left. Apparantly they need to stay for at least as long is it took them to get there. I don't know.
Just a typical night in the 'burbs.
As per usual, I am posting about my most recent trip in reverse order. I am back from Maui, which totally rocked. Arbonne is so top notch I can't stand it. I loved this trip and everything about it was first class.
OK, I realize that this is going to ruin my reputation, but
I am going to put it out there anyway. I
think Will Ferrell is hilarious. I am writing this on
a plane right now watching “
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