The Fabulous Life of Jobin Hume

New Requirement

I have had mashed potato bars before but never as yummy as this. I didn't know corn could be a condiment, but it now needs to be standard.

Typical Friday night, Rachel getting a little action

Candie is the victim of an unfortunate red wine spill by the waitress. This is fundamentally funny, but not as funny as Rachel trying to fix it up with the worlds smallest tide pen. I also like it that she is copping a feel at the same time.

Play by play analysis

I am at my sisters bachelorette party. I am older than all these girls and more judgemental so I will be posting lots of snarky comments. Stay tuned

Good Auntie

Me: we can go anywhere you want for lunch
Them: old country buffet! (with great enthusiasm)
Me: I don't know where that is
Jordyn: ask the talking computer in your car

Sadly, it did know where to find one so here we are. Candie who claims to love them was unable to attend. Nice.

Since I was posting restaurant reviews anway...

The Happy Gnome:

Decent patio, but cryptic menus and lazy waitresses bug me.  For example - what would you think this description includes?

Farmer Bob Tomato Tartar

basil, capers, olio verde, garlic Crostini (capitalization theirs)

When asking useless waitress for clarification, she informs me that it is one of her two favorite SALADS on the menu, she really likes the raw tomatoes - hence the "tartar".  What would you think this is?  In my mind it is some kind of sliced tomatoes with basil and dressing and perhaps a slice of toasted bread.

I can't believe I don't have a picture to show you how much it is BRUSCHETTA.  Seriously.  Toasted bread with chopped tomatoes and shredded cheese (not mentioned) on top.  

What is wrong with whoever wrote this description?  More importantly what is wrong with the waitress that she would describe this as a salad?

Perhaps this post is less lame if I had a picture.  Trust me, you would be irritated as well.

Conversely, I inhaled Terri's burger which she didn't love but I did, so you can give it a try for yourself.

PS - I don't need flash in a restaurant website.  Thanks.

Really, we are that unhip? Cause I think we are awesome!

Just playing with the design for this page.  There is a "city scape" theme section with the usual suspects - San Francisco, Chicago, NYC.  Nothing for Minneapolis, which didn't offend me until I saw that they had one for Kiev.  Are there that many Ukranian bloggers on Typepad?

Speaking of Minneapolis, I have been downtown 3 times in the last 2 weeks for dining and drinks, which is way more than usual since I don't work there anymore.

My reviews:

Barrio Tequila Bar - cool, but overrated.  Tiny cramped bar and while I don't like Margaritas, I did like the one I got there, but there is no way I am waiting for a table at this place much less standing around hoping to catch the bartender's eye.  Enjoyed time here with Ryan who is on the verge of moving to Seattle to start a whole new life.  Good for him, sad for me.

Masa - great dinner.  Interesting drinks with fresh fruit...saddened they no longer have my favorite dish which included orange chicken and rice with pineapple, sweet potatoes and pine nuts.  Excellent company - great to spend time with Heidi and Jen.

Zelo - same as always, nothing has changed there since they day they opened.  Having said that, it isn't bad, just not fresh.  I was here twice in one week, and it was 'meh' both times - no complaints but nothing to write home about.  Heidi tried some espresso martini that tasted like ass.  She enjoyed it however, and continued to enjoy it as she was up half the night.  Go Heidi.

Prohibition - my new favorite bar in town - at the top of the W Minneapolis - Foshay Tower.  I am a TOTAL SUCKER for fancy martinis and this place delivers.  So far I had one with dry ice in it and one with an orchid floating in it.  Because that is what my other drinks have been missing.  Foliage.  I am also a sucker for paying alot of money for snacks that I could easily make at home but instead pay tons of money for other places.  I was introduced to this place by Ryan, and then when bringing other friends there - they commented "I feel like I am on vacation in my own town - this is like we are in some other city!" 

For example - here is a perfect bar table as far as I am concerned:

We may have the bachelorette party at Living Room which is downstairs, but will not be staying there. They want almost $400 a night for a regular room.  In Minneapolis.  Which is absurd.  I am not particularly price sensitive, but they have got to be joking.  I am dying to know who is paying that much. Anyway.

Lastly - not downtown, but a place I have really enjoyed every time I have been there is Cafe Maude. They have excellent food and again, interesting drinks.  I really don't drink that often, contrary to the tone of this post.  Last time I was there with Carla, Krista and Kelly - the best thing that ever came out of AWC. Such fun.  Anyway, they had some cocktail that came with a lottery ticket in it.  I know.  Again, I am a sucker.  I did win a dollar and I am still carrying it around waiting for the perfect place to cash it in for a new one since I am certain that it is really worth $10,000 since I was with my girls!

Blurry picture of my newly-skinny-always-awesome friend Kelley with the winning ticket:

Bob Hume: Inventor, Fisherman, Rancher

Candie just called me all whipped up because my dad was talking to someone about "putting in some clover for the cattle to graze".

Apparently there is some consideration of raising some cows on his friend's land so they can "harvest" it.  Candie isn't eating harvested meat.  I can't understand how this is different from other meat.  She claims that it is bloody.

Now, I don't know if I have blogged about this before, but I call myself the "ignorant carnivore" meaning that I eat meat, but I don't want any information about it's previous existence.  I don't want fish with the head still on, or meat served on the bone or anything like that.  I certainly don't want to choose my own crab or fish in China, although after being at a street market, I understand why they consider freshness an important feature of a meal.

As far as I am concerned, all meat comes pre-marinated and shrink wrapped on a little tray from the meat fairy at Kowalskis.  I eat boneless, skinless chicken breasts, sandwich meat turkey, fish and occasionally a fast food hamburger, but that doesn't really count as meat anyway it is so gross.

Back to Candie's concern about the harvested cow. All meat is bloody.  That is why they put the little pad in the styrofoam tray when you get it at the store.  She claims that they bought part of a cow one other time, and it was gross.

I asked if a professional butcher couldn't accomplish the same function, she explained that he would be too cheap to hire it done.

The point is, I can't believe that:

A - we are even having this discussion

B - she is more concerned about the bloody meat than the fact that he IS PLANNING TO RAISE CATTLE

C - this is any different that the elk, venison, geese, turkeys, pheasant, ducks or fish he brings home.

Everything under item "C" is categorized at the Hume house as "Beast" and can only be stored in the "Beast" fridge in the garage.  It can only be cooked on the "Beast cooking station" which is a grill dedicated to this job that we don't cook other meat on. Beast is often marinated in/injected with whiskey which I am sure is the primary appeal of the beast.

Candie has now unseated me as the most ignorant carnivore ever.

Where did this come from?

Something fell out of a drawer this morning and down into the cupboard below.  When digging for it, I discovered a Belgian wafle maker.  I swear on my life I have never seen this thing before.  I have only eaten a Belgian waffle about 5 times in my life and I assure you none of those times were in my own kitchen.  Ironically, it is labeled "easy clean up" and yet there is dried batter on the side of it.

Is anyone missing a waffle maker?  Maybe this is what attracted the mouse....

Just checking

I am not superstitious, but I got a fortune cookie yesterday with no fortune in it.  That can't be good, right?

The best part of the mousetrap

Is that on the packaging there is a huge section about how the wood used to make the mouse trap is from a forest that is managed to make sure there is plenty of re-growth.  I care about our planet and everything, but when you are selecting a mousetrap is deforestation really on your checklist of requirements for this purchase?