The Fabulous Life of Jobin Hume

I was brewing a whole other human

Mahtab is telling us this story about how when she was pregnant, she was miserable.  She goes on to relay that her husband took the coffee pot out to the garage each morning to brew his coffee because she couldn't stand the stink.  I mention that he is going directly to heaven.  She goes on to rant that "I was busy growing a whole other HUMAN why is he going to heaven!!!"

While it is true that she has a point, it is still admirable to go out to the garage in Minnesota to make your morning cup.

Also, I can't wait to document the carnage should Mahtab decide to reproduce again, I hope I am hear to witness it.

I have been a negligant blogger lately.  Boot Camp is kicking my ass.  We did arms on Monday and Tuesday, and I can hardly brush my teeth my shoulders ache so bad.  Seriously, shoulders.  Who thinks up this stuff?  Why do we have to exercise those?  End of rant.

Do you know how long it has been since I posted?  Long enough that *my mother* has surpassed me in the fabulous handbag arena.  She bought this:

It doesn't seem that fabulous from this picture but that is because you can't see the inside - which is RED SUEDE.  It is really really awesome.

Now I am going to have to do some shopping if I ever get paid again.

Boot Camp Progress Update

Well, we had our 4 week testing this morning.  Here is how I did:

	January 10	February 7
12 minute run	.76 miles (walking)	1.03 miles (jogging)
Sit ups	9	23
Pushups	5 on toes 15 more on knees	15 on toes 15 more on knees
Stretching (on a box – it would make sense if you saw it)	11.5 13 13	17 18 19

So, I am making big progress, for such a short time.  BUT I STILL HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT!!!  How is this possible?  I am going to try logging my food faithfully for one week.  I must be eating alot more than I think I am.  Otherwise, this doesn't make any sense.

In other boot camp news, Theresa drops in this morning to announce that we are swimming on Wednesday.  That means I now have to partake in a spa appointment that I don't usually partake in this time of year.  Not Fabulous.

Investigative Reporting

I showered in the men's locker room today.  This is not as salacious as it may sound.  On Monday, all the hot water went out in the women's locker room, so the fine folks at Lifetime Fitness have switched them around.  For the rest of the week we are in the men's room and vice versa.

Why?  Because apparently men don't bitch about the lack of hot water as much.  Here are my findings:

1. There are, as one would expect, urinals.  What one may not have expected, is that the advertising on the back of the bathroom door (and that is a whole other entry.  How, as a society, have we not revolted against that yet?) is for hair plugs.  OK, you might have expected that.  I would not have expected the ink on that advertising to be all run together due to some sort of liquid that is spilled all over it.  I don't want to speculate about that or I will be a little sick.
2. The men all shower together.  You may recall that I was riding the fence on whether it is OK to talk to other people while they are showering.  I meant through the door.  It didn't even occur to me that adults would all shower in one big stall with multiple spigots.
3. There are no private dressing rooms.  Even I am not shy enough to use them, but it is comforting knowing they are available.
4. Do they not care about the cold water because they are sturdier or because they don't actually shower before going to work?

In other Boot Camp news, we are on day 18.  I missed one last week because I was sick.  Other than that, I am still in it.  If I hadn't told everyone I know to peer pressure me about this, I would have quit by now.  Actually, I wouldn't be so action oriented as to quit, but I would have skipped a day, then two , then three.  Then I wouldn't be going anymore.

Next Monday we do our testing, as we are 1/3 through the program.  It will be good to see if I am making some progress with my physical condition, because my weight is exactly one-half pound less than when I started.  That is not immediate enough gratification for me.

Locker Room Etiquette

OK, I have been a little remiss in posting lately.  I have been hella stressed and I have a cold, but now, I am back in action.

Today's entry is somewhat about boot camp (Still hard, still early in the morning), but mostly it is about locker room characters.  I don't know what the men's locker room is like, but the ladies always has this cast of characters:

• Towel around the waist lady.  This lady, usually mid-thirties to early forties hops out of the shower and trots around the locker room with the towel around her waist.  In my locker room, at the Lifetime Fitness in Woodbury, she has *huge* jugs.  At about waist level.  I am presuming she has had several children.  Either way, I don't care if they are perky, flabby, pierced, or inflated.  Cover them up.
• Thong lady.  This woman is there every morning.  I admire her dedication.  I do not understand her grooming process which seems to go like this: A) Put on thong. B) Bra, shirt, shoes and socks.  C) Hair - including hair dryer, curling iron, flat iron, teasing comb, many products. D) Full make up from foundation  and concealer through brow powder and lip liner. Notice anything missing?  Pants.  Pants are step E.  WHY ARE YOU WEARING SHOES AND SOCKS AND NO PANTS?  She stands there every day in her thong and gets dressed. She also brings all her locker room acoutrements in a wheelie suitcase.  I thought *I* packed heavy.
• Talk to me in the shower lady.  I am torn on this one.  It is kind of like talking in the stalls of the bathroom.  Under certain circumstances, I don't really mind.  Sometimes it really bugs.
• Sparkly underwear lady.  I have been known to wear sequins.  I do not, however, have 3 different sets of matching bras and panties that are sequined.  I do not wear them every day and traipse around the locker room.  I confess that I am slightly jealous, because I suspect that I do not have a new boyfriend like this lady does.  She doesn't seem to be a stripper, and that is the only other reason to wear this type of garment on a daily basis.
• Naked breasted hair dryer lady. She is a hybrid of Thong lady and Waist-towel lady.  She gets fully dressed from the waist down, including shoes and socks, but then proceeds to groom braless in front of the mirror for some time.  It isn't that she doesn't want to get make up on her clothes and is putting her shirt on last, because she does ultimately put on a bra.

The moral of the story is, I am not a prude.  I understand that we need to get naked to shower and dress again.  But it is the parading around I don't get. 

Is the men's locker room like this?

Watch tomorrow for my opinions on Gym fashions.

Ve Cont Believe He Won a Second Term

If you haven't seen it already, check out this movie "Second Term" from Jib Jab Media.  It is pretty funny.

Boot Camp, Day 8.  Theresa was our instructor today.  She is good, and very nice, but she is really into the whole "Boot camp" mentality.  She says "Tricep Push Back" and we have to shout "TRICEP PUSH BACK MA'AM".  If we don't shout it loud enough, we have to do burpees instead.  I bet you haven't heard "burpees" since elementary school.

Today was a "push" day again.  So we did about 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer for cardio, and then hundreds of push ups, military presses, planks, etc.  It was hard but definately easier than last week.

Boot Camp Day 7

Today was with Dave.  He is my favorite teacher so far.  We are down to 8 students  and, surprisingly, I am not one of the quitters (*).

We did about 1 million pushups and 2 million squats.  These are round numbers, of course.  It was much harder than yesterday, but I really felt good about finishing.  I can't say that I am seeing any physical results, but definately mental ones.

Turns out that I have GAINED 5 pounds since I started (#).  I am chalking this up to PMS, but if it isn't gone in a week, I am going to be some kind of pissy.

There is a new guy in class.  If I had to guess, I would say he is 55 and just had bilateral knee surgery.  I am no longer the worst one in the class.

In other news, I (heart) Peter Brady.  Who knew?  I was watching The Surreal Life on VH1 this weekend (yeah, I know there is no excuse for that), and it turns out that Peter Brady, now referred to as Christopher Knight is really cute!  I wouldn't have guess that.

When it's time to change.....

Oprah is one step behind me

Oprah (*) has a boot camp program starting on her show and website on February 3.  First she copies my hair, now this.  It is really getting sad...

Really - have you ever seen someone look as fabulous as she is now?

Bootcamp, day 5.  This day was pretty good.  We did "circuits" - so basically, these stations were set up around the gym and you did each one with a partner for 60 seconds. Crunches, push-ups, squats, sprints, etc.  We did this 3 times around plus more running and stretching.

There were 13 no shows out of 30 today, but they kindly let us do a mere 50 (#) pushups as opposed to the 130 we would normally owe.  So, I guess that was kind of fabulous. Again, I woke up without the alarm, and felt energized at the end of the class even though I was exhausted, so this is a huge improvement over the crying-Wednesday.

Boot Camp, Day 4

OK, I am trying not to whine about this because:

1. I signed up for it voluntarily
2. I need it
3. It, obviously, doesn't hold a candle to *actual* boot camp, so I should quit pissing and moaning

The thing is, this is really hard.  I am doing this class at Lifetime Fitness called General Fitness, which is described as:

Put your mind, body and nerves to the test with General Fitness, an intensive 12-week program based on military training techniques.

Today, wasn't as bad as yesterday, when I actually cried in the middle of it.  It is getting easier.  5 days a week at 6:00am is a big change for me, so I should cut myself some slack, but I was crying because it was frustrating that I am so out of shape, not because I was actually hurt or too tired. 

I know it will get easier.